reflections84

March 25^th, a date that is going to be registered in my head for ever, not because I have overcome one of dad’s nightmare but it is that day I realized that one my close buddy took his last breath from the planet which was defined for mortals.

I loved to sleep, especially on a holidays and I had only few more days to head back to Kerala, after my 12 board exams. I hated going back to Kerala, Bahrain have replaced the word habitat in me. I woke up in the morning, with a phone call. It was Neha on the line, I always liked it when girls called, after all who doesn’t.

As I hold the phone, she was in tears, I was like hmm…’’ hello ‘’

‘’ hello, shibu….’’Shiva passed away’’. She sobbed

I was out of words, didn’t know how to react, and was confused if I was still asleep, that is when my reflex mind did the talking.

‘’ really? Stop playing pranks, gal.

‘’ I am serious shibu ‘’’she exclaimed

I didn’t know how to react, and I slammed the phone



It is a crazy feeling when something bad happens, that is when you remember God, and you start to pray for things not to have happened , when yoy are already aware that is has happened. I bet you even God, sometimes get stunned by the way our brains works.

I always had this rough time getting along with people and the moment I get close with someone, I tend to tag them as my best friend. I guess the things that made Shiva different from the rest were 1) unlike anyone else in the globe he had incredible tolerant to listen me from side to side 2) He was handicapped for life, his legs were not strong enough to balance his weight and hence his entire life orbited around his wheel chair 3) He had wonderful parents who would listen to him calmly. 4) Unlike most of he didn’t require tuitions to score a century in mainframe

The thing we had in common was our love for macromedia flash (I guess it is known as adobe flash), he was good in it, he loved programming, and it was like addition and subtraction for him. There was nothing he could do for, but he always quested by beliefs, in short he acknowledged me.

I started to panic when I heard the news; I picked the phone and dialed a Number that I should never have had - His residence number.

His dad picked the call,

Hello uncle, this is shibu….

‘’ yes, shibu ‘’

‘’ Can I speak to Shiva ‘’ my mind was still not able to believe the fact that he passed away.

He paused for a second and clutched his breath, and answered me calmly

‘’ Shiva, is in the hospital, he will be ok. Can you pass the phone to your father?’’ I gave the phone to my dad. ‘’ After a couple of minutes my father kept the phone, and told everything is fine. ‘’ ‘’ I’ll just go to the hospital, and see how he is? ‘’ Why don’t you just wait here ‘’?

It took him an hour to reach back, The moment my father came back, he saw me walking in the hall aimlessly, he looked into by eyes and told ‘’ he is no more ‘’, I wanted to a hug, that time, but then my father who was equally bad as me in emotion and stuff, left the fall, without expecting to react. I was in mixed emotions. I wanted to cry out loud. Tears never helps at all, it never gets want you want in life, but then it was one way of telling others that you can’t fight the pain in you.

After a while, my uncle came up to me, he was more like my guardian then, was staying with us. The moment he looked into me, I started to cry, funny emotion. I wasn’t sure why I did that, I could feel the pain inside, I cried till, I eventually lost my mind out and did the weirdest thing of all. Every time something bad happens the first person who appears in my head is Ram, one of my closest buddies.

I rushed to an internet centre and mailed him, although there was nothing that he could do, my mind was doing all the thinking.

As I got back home, I got a call from Snehan,

‘’ shibu, we are going to Shiva’s house, to see the dead body ‘’’ he said…

Before he completed ‘’ I said, dude..You guys carry on ‘’ I don’t want to see his dead body

Probably some part of my mind liked the happy shiva

He was confused.

‘’ Are you sure ‘’

‘’ Yes ‘’ I said

The following night, I was leaving to Kerala, As I sat in the plane, all those moments started to hit my head, the moments I shared with him, I was amazing to have all those thoughts going through my head, but the day that was crystal clear was yesterday. The day I last spoke to him.

A day before the incident

My parents always wanted to see him, they were always curious to know what I spoke to him in the phone, and more over dad was curious to interact with people from Kolkata, as he did his college out there. And I wanted to meet him because was going to Kerala for good, not sure if I could ever meet him again. So I called him up,

‘’ hi,nut…we are coming to your place, even my parents are coming J ‘’

‘’ Oh, kwl…U know my house Na ‘’ he asked

I have just been to his house only once, along with Ram. His flat was on the 18^th floor, the last one on the building.. His mum unbolted the door, and welcomed us, she was very delighted to see us. My parents gushed to the hall, I went along with him to the Room.

We started talking a lot, about how four years of school went real fast, all the crazy things that we did in the past, and our crazy fondness for computers. It was amazing. I sometimes wished I had a brother like him, it so amazing to know that someone of your frequency exists. Before I left the place, he asked me one simple question

‘’ when are we going to meet, again ? ‘’

As if he knew, his sands of time were in the blink of becoming extinct.

‘’ Not sure man, but I know I’ll be calling you tomorrow before leaving ‘’ I replied

‘’ Well, Incase if you don’t get me over the phone, there is something that I always wanted to tell you…Shibu, you don’t have to mimic or try to be someone else because you believe you lack potentials, You are more than this, Just try to be you because you have done something, only few in the school have done. You have cared so me so much, and always had the patience to listen me through. ‘’ ‘’ you one of my best buddies ‘’

I smiled…:)

The names in this post have been changed